There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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