Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
