My hand turned me down
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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