Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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