eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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