My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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