i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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