I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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