I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
