i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
