Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
