New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
