is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
