If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
