sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
