She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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