is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
