i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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