Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
