Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
