So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
