have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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