We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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