in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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