I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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