I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
