I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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