Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
