I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The air was thick with penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
