I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
