youre lurking in front of me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
