i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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