I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
