she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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