My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
