come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
