Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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