There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
