me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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