Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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