i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
