im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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