I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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