I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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