I showed him my bush... on skype.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
