I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize