Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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