Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
