First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
