i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
