EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
