hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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