So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
